Empathy and compassion with healthy boundaries

The question is how do we move beyond our own ego to show compassion when we have determined new boundaries when a relationship or friendship changes?

Change comes about through our path of personal growth. When we grow beyond the learnt perception of ourselves and therefore become more truly self-aware, we become more conscious of our authentic needs and more sensitive to what is no longer working for us.

These changes affect our friendships and relationships, there is no choice in that matter. What once suited you, no longer feels right or fits who you are.

Personal growth naturally brings about a change in our perception, and is accompanied by a new level of honesty, with ourselves first and foremost. The challenge lies in how to convey this to the other party in a compassionate and kind way. Because change can also make us feel like we are going a tad bit crazy too, and it is not comfortable bringing a new truth to the forefront, especially if the other person is likely to react badly!

The answer lies within the new boundaries that we set for ourselves in relation to another person. We must be compassionate and kind to ourselves first, be easy on ourselves when we feel fed up, angry, tired, or drained by another person, because your new boundaries cause a disruption to the energetic flow.

(Please see my blog titled The Inertia of Energy).

Now, here is the thing, the other person may not have the same conscious awareness that you do. The way they perceive things and receive things, can be by unconsciously acting out to get needs met by others. (and we all can do this, not one of us is required to be perfect on this journey of life) This “acting out” often comes in the form of showing off, exaggerating things, and talking things up, or playing the victim, emotional manipulation, intimidation, being the bashful hero, or a martyr, passive/aggressive behaviour and the list goes on....

(All of that is “Lower Third dimensional behaviour” by the way, but that is another blog).

Your new boundaries will be reflected in your change of reaction towards that person’s behaviour. For example, if you were always available to help that person, but now you realise that it is a waste of your time, you may not make yourself so available, or even not at all.

You may have reacted by trying to fix everything, or justifying yourself, defending yourself, and once you stop that, then that causes a change in the frequency of your energetic exchange and will, over time, play out into real life.

If you were drawn into a dynamic where you believed the other person’s lies, only to finally see through them, and you change your reaction, you have also broken the long-term energetic exchange, and this is seldom comfortable.

The key is subtlety – and change of perspective. For example, it is easy once we outgrow a situation to become angry or resentful, however it is important that we look at our new perspective with compassion, for ourselves first, and then when ready to, the other person’s view as well.

Now this can be a big challenge, because as in all life transitions, our own personal issues can also appear from our subconscious to be recognised, accepted, and healed. Self-awareness will help with recognising what has come up for you.

Here is where we move beyond ego and into compassion. To begin this process; we must consciously state that compassion is what we wish to achieve. Your goal is to achieve and maintain a higher state of compassion, awareness, and balance. Once we commence this process the rest will take care of itself. If we have expected outcomes, then we may not always get the outcome that our ego thinks is right. However, once we move into and learn to hold within, a true higher level of compassion, not much else really matters, and any expectations, and ego all melt away. We get to enjoy being, and feeling calm, centered, in the present moment.

Energetic boundaries are a step further and I touch on this subject in my blog titled Feeling Energy and Creating Energetic Boundaries. Author: Debra Sinclair